Jaded Journey

She's Here!

2008-12-12T22:08:00.004+09:30

Well, it's probably about time I updated this blog. I have been so bad about keeping it up to date. This will probably be my last post on this blog anyway. I took the journey and I finally made it to motherhood! ;)

Jemma Wendy was born on November 10th at 3:03am. She weighed 7lbs 8oz and was 19in long. She came head first too. All was pretty tame this time...LOL I got an epidural as well. I definitely recommend them...LOL I actually didn't scream this time. LOL

Here she is!

BIG Scan!

2008-08-10T19:03:00.002+09:30

I have been terrible updating this blog. I wonder if it has something to do with the fact that I'm chasing a toddler around this time!

Everything is going well in the pregnancy. I'm 26 weeks pregnant now. Time seems to be flying. I can't believe I'll be into my third trimester next week already!

I had my BIG scan a few weeks back. Everything was fine. We didn't get to see what sex the baby is though. He/She wasn't giving it up! Oh well, I guess it wasn't meant to be. Here is a copy of one of the scan pics. Isn't he/she cute?!...LOL

First OB Appointment

2008-05-01T12:11:00.002+09:30

I went in for my first OB appointment on Monday. Everything looked fine. The OB did a scan to check the baby and it was doing flips and wiggling around. The heartrate was 163bpm. She said, "looks like a keeper!". Sounds good to me!

Pregnancy Announcement

2008-04-06T08:08:00.001+09:30

Here's the pregnancy announcement I sent out to family and friends. :)

(Click on image to see larger version)

It's Alive!

2008-03-31T22:10:00.004+09:30

It's official. We have a blob with a heartbeat. :) Here are the pictures to prove it:

Happy Easter!

2008-03-24T16:08:00.001+09:30

Happy Easter everyone! Here are a few pictures of Jolie for the holiday. Enjoy!

Beta #3!

2008-03-20T14:23:00.003+09:30

They keep going up and up! Yay! I had my third beta today and it was up to 6550! My progesterone went up too. I'm so happy! Looks like that little guy in there is growing a good placenta so far. :)

Second Beta

2008-03-14T15:27:00.001+09:30

Woohoo! My second beta was 983. That's 38.6 hours doubling time. Yay! Now I have to wait until next Thursday for another blood test. Then if all is still well they will book me in for a scan. I can't wait for that! I wanna see a heartbeat!

Yeehaw!

2008-03-08T12:42:00.003+09:30

It's official! We're pregnant with baby number two!! Yeehaw! I'm so excited!

I took an HPT on Thursday and it was positive...so, I called the RE and asked if I could have my blood test Friday instead of Monday. So, I did!

Beta number came back as 48 on 10dp3dt. That's better than it was with Jolie and a day earlier! So, that's great!

(Click on picture to see the larger version...otherwise you may not be able to see the second line...LOL)

My due date is November 15, 2008. :)

Cup-O-Baby!

2008-03-05T17:24:00.002+09:30

This is what I'm doing with my time while I wait for my blood test...
I'll have one cup of baby please! LOL I'm such a nut...

So, I told you I was going to start my own business doing photography from home, right? Yeah, well, it's going well so far. I had my first sale on Friday! I'm offically a business woman...LOL I've been working on building my portfolio and learning a TON of stuff. I'm having a great time.

Let's see what kind of shot I can come up with next...LOL

Time to Wait...

2008-02-27T13:15:00.007+09:30

Okay, I'm knocked up again. Well, at least I had another embryo transferred inside my wahzoo again yesterday. Hopefully this one will stick and keep growing. I'm not as excited about it this time as I was last time. I guess it's because it didn't work last time and I'm not the perfect pregnant woman afterall. I just assumed after I got pregnant with Jolie that my problem wasn't staying pregnant, it was falling pregnant. So, I figured that with the last FET, I was going to stay pregnant again. Afterall, what more is there to do at that point? The embryo is already fertilised and growing...all it has to do is keep growing and stick! So, why didn't it work last time? Well, I have a theory but I'm sure I'm nuts. It's not like I'm a doctor or anything, so I have no clue, but this is what I think...

Before the last transfer, I did a detox diet. I wanted to cleanse my system and start fresh with a beautiful diet before having the transfer done. Well, I don't think I timed it right, cuz when I went into the transfer I was only off of the detox for a day. My diet before that consisted of only this yucky lemon drink that I gagged down for 8 days until I couldn't stand it anymore. It did wonders for getting rid of my phlegm and I felt great afterwards. No bloating...no stomach pains...lost some weight. All great. BUT...(this is my theory)...

I think that all the citrus caused my uterus to become this acidic environment which probably killed the embryo as soon as it was transferred. I have visions of the poor little bugger sizzling and disappearing into a puff of smoke. Like I said, I'm sure I'm nuts, but these are the types of things that go through my mind.

ANYWHO!...I have since been on a beautiful diet of fruits, veggies, meats, crap, sugar, chocolate, chips, soda...you name it. So, I'm sure this little one is snuggling right up and licking the sides of my uterus cuz it's so sweet tasting...LOL

Not only have I made sure I had a fabulous diet this time...I also made sure to take the nurses advice that we received the first time and have "relations" with my husband after the transfer. We did that with Jolie and I think it really helped to block my cervix and help her stick...LMAO. My husband didn't complain cuz he knew it may be his last chance to get "the good stuff" with me if I fall pregnant.

Why would it be the last chance you ask? Well, I'll tell ya...I have another theory...LOL This one dates back to when I had Jolie. She came six weeks early and the doctor couldn't give me a reason why. This is what I think happened...I had an orgasm whilst having sex a few times during my pregnancy. After each time and couple of days later, I would have brown spotting. They checked me each time and couldn't explain why, but said it was probably nothing. Well, the last time it happened it was two days before my water broke. Now, I don't know if you have ever had an orgasm whilst pregnant before, but for me my uterus contracts and becomes very hard and round. I didn't tell the doctor this of course, but in retrospect I probably should have. She did tell me that there seemed to be some irritation inbetween the uterus and the placenta. Well, if you put two and two together, wouldn't that equal irritation?

Anyway, I told my husband about my theory awhile ago. He said I was nuts of course, but I still told him I'm an not having an orgasm whilst I am pregnant next time and I am not allowing him to do his business up my wahzoo either...We'll have to stock up on condoms if he wants any action. Needless to say he wasn't too please with this prospect, but I'm putting my foot down on this one.

Back to the reason why I originally started to post...LOL Here is a picture of the embryo that they transferred back yesterday. It was a beautiful 7 celled embryo. They only had to thaw one this time and none of the cells had died like last time. Now...it's time to wait...

(My scanner isn't working, so I had to take a picture of the picture, which is pretty crappy, but you get the idea.)

FET#2

2008-02-22T23:08:00.003+09:30

Here we go again. FET#2 is here and we have a transfer date. Tuesday at 11am. I had my scan and blood work today. My endo layer is 10.8 and a grade b/c. I'm excited and nervous. I really hope it works this time. I really don't have time to waste with this whole TTC thing. I'm getting too old! I can just imagine myself trying to change diapers with arthritic fingers...Ouch...Okay, so I'm not that old, but geez. Time doesn't wait for anyone. Cross your fingers for me!

One Year Old

2008-02-06T20:47:00.000+09:30

I have a one year old. That seems so weird to me. I can't believe how fast the past year has gone. It seems like she should only be 6 months old. I did her official birthday portraits today. They turned out so cute. Of course I would think that, I'm her mother. I think all her pictures are cute. I can't stay down long with her around. She brings such joy to my life. Here's to another wonderful year ahead!

BFN

2008-02-06T14:33:00.001+09:30

Why is it so much worse to hear it from someone official than to see it on a pregnancy test? I'm use to seeing big fat negatives on home pregnancies tests. I must have peed on a hundred sticks in my time. It doesn't seem to phase me anymore when I don't see a second line. I've only ever seen a second line once and that was only after I was told by my doctor that I was pregnant. I've never experienced the rush of taking a HPT and seeing the two lines show up and finding out that you're pregnant and no one else in the world knows yet. I sorta feel cheated of that glory.

Yet again it has happened. My husband finally caved and let me take a HPT on Monday night. It was negative. Of course, in the back of my head I was thinking..."well, maybe it's just a bit too early yet"..."I had small numbers with Jolie in the beginning too, maybe it isn't showing on the HPT yet"..."the beta will be more conclusive, I'll just wait for that to see where the numbers are". So, ya, even though I got a negative pregnancy test at home, I still had a little bit of hope that it could be wrong.

Turns out it was right. I had my beta today and it was negative. The nurse said that the HCG was less than 2. You can't get much more negative than that! Oh well, here we go again. I resigned myself to the fact that I was going to have to do another FET. Looks like it'll be sooner than I would have liked.

I'm to stop taking my drugs today and wait for my period. As soon as she comes, I will tell the fertility clinic and we will start the next frozen embryo cycle. Good thing I still have 5 snowbabies left cuz I'm definitely not doing another fresh cycle again.

It's amazing how already having a child changes your perspective on life. I'm so lucky to have one beautiful child that puts a smile on my face every day. She is a true miracle. Our first little IVF miracle. Let's pray that I get the chance to have another one...

Party Time!

2008-02-05T22:22:00.000+09:30

Jolie turned one today! We had a great day and so did she. Here are some pictures from the day. Enjoy!

2WW

2008-02-02T08:55:00.000+09:30

Here we are. In the dreaded two week waiting period. I thought I would be stronger this time. I figured I would be too busy to obsess. Alas, I am not and I am...LOL I'm itching to take a HPT but my husband has forbid it. He told me that he wanted me to wait until Jolie's birthday is over so that I can enjoy the day in case it's a negative. I suppose he's right. I just HATE waiting! Have I ever said how impaitent I am before? Well, yah, I am. The blood test is scheduled for Wednesday. I don't know why it would be that late? I mean, if I had a three day transfer last Thursday, then that would mean that technically I would be 14 days past ovulation on Monday. Unless my math is failing me. Why can't the blood test be on Monday? I'm sure it would show if I was pregnant by then. I'm pretty sure it would show now on an HPT. Of course I have researched what is happening with the embryo each day after the transfer. So, yah, I'm obsessing again...LOL Here's what I found out:

3 day transfer-
1dpt...Embryo is growing and developing
2dpt...Embryo is now a blastocyst
3dpt...Blastocyst hatches out of shell on this day
4dpt...Blastocyst attaches to a site on the uterine lining
5dpt...Implantation begins,as the blastocyst begins to bury in the lining
6dpt...Implantation process continues and morula buries deeper in the lining
7dpt...Morula is completely implanted in the lining and has placenta cells & fetal cells
8dpt...Placenta cells begin to secret HCG in the blood
9dpt...More HCG is produced as fetus develops
10dpt...More HCG is produced as fetus develops
11dpt...HCG levels are now high enough to be immediately detected on a HPT

So, I'm 9dpt with a 3 day transfer. So, technically there should be HCG in my blood now. Just not sure how much. So, yah, I'm obsessing. I'll just have to hang in there until Wednesday. Jolie's birthday is on Tuesday, so the earliest I can take an HPT is Wednesday morning before the blood test. At least then I won't be surprised when the doctor calls me with the results. Grow baby, grow!!!

It's In!

2008-01-24T15:55:00.000+09:30

Okay, I am officially PUPO (pregnant until proven otherwise)! We had our embryo transfer today. They ended up having to thaw out two because the first one didn't survive the thaw. :( The one that they put back in was at 12 cells but one of the cells died. They told me it was still a really good viable embryo. I'll take their word for it. I have no idea. The last time this was done I had a perfect 8 cell embryo transfered, so this is new territory for me. Anyway, here's hoping it keeps growing! My beta is on the 6th of February. Here's a picture of the little beauty they put back. I'm probably biased, but I think it looks pretty cute...LOL

It's On!

2008-01-22T10:11:00.000+09:30

I had my blood test and scan yesterday. My endometrial layer was 12.8 and a grade of B/C. I really have no idea what that means, but the transfer is scheduled for Thursday, so it must be good! I'm really looking forward to it! I guess this means I'll be pregnant again on Thursday! Positive thinking right? I just hope the pregnancy lasts 9 months. Wish me luck!

Infertility and Hairy Chests

2008-01-16T00:27:00.000+09:30

I've been sitting here on the couch with my laptop for the last 3 hours reading other infertility blogs. I wonder how many there are out there. So far I've found 1100...lol That's a whole hell of a lot of bitching and moaning and groaning about "life not being fair" and "how dare that bitch get pregnant by accident."

I remember it fondly. I was one of those. Or should I say, I AM one of those. I suppose the bitterness dwindles with time and giving birth. Come to think of it, maybe not. *thinks about her sister-in-law that had her fourth child so she could get the baby bonus from the government*. HHhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmm Some people shouldn't be aloud to procreate.

Anyway, I digress. The point I was going to make was...is it just me, or are there a lot more infertile woman out there than there use to be? Or are we just a lot more vocal now than ever before? Probably both.

What is it that causes infertility? Well, it's different for everyone. In my case it's because I have Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome. At least that's what I've been told. The truth of the matter is I'm a fat cow that needs to get healthy and then I'm sure that things would start to work properly. Not necessarily...

I have been diagnosed with "Traditional Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome". What does that mean? Get ready for this...

I have:
High androgens (I'm basically a man without a penis)
Irregular Menstruation = 6+ months (This is not such a bad thing unless you have a hankering for Endometrial Cancer)
Anovulatory (Thus the reason I can't get pregnant on my own)
Several cysts on both ovaries (No shit Sherlock...anovulatory=eggs that don't want to leave)
Morbidly Obese = >50 kg (Yah, I know. Pretty sad, isn't it?)
Hirsutism (I knew I shouldn't have listened to my dad when he told me that I should eat my vegetables so that it will put hair on my chest)

Sounds like fun, huh? Well, yah, it's a blast. It's not just infertility I'm dealing with here. Not only does not being able to get pregnant make me feel like less of a woman...the hairy chest doesn't help either.

One Year Already?

2008-01-11T00:43:00.000+09:30

It's hard to believe but Jolie is actually turning a year old on the 5th. Yikes! I can't believe how fast this year has gone. It's been the best year of my life!

So now I'm in the process of trying to plan her birthday party. I've come to the conclusion (I have no idea where I got the idea from) that the first birthday party should be a big one. Hhhhhmmmmmmm Not sure if my husband agrees yet...lol

I've got the invitations done and am planning the details now. I think I may have bitten off more than I can chew with the cake, but we'll see how it turns out...lol I'll be shopping tomorrow for the supplies and favours. I even told my husband that it would be nice if we had another freezer so that I could bake the cakes now and store them until I'm ready to decorate...lol I don't think he's going along with that idea. "OH, here we go", he said...lmao

I don't plan on spending a LOT of money. I'll be doing most of it myself. I made the invitations myself...took the picture for it myself...I'll be printing them off myself...I'll be baking/decorating the cake myself...I'll be putting the party favours together myself...I'll be doing a picture/video montage to show at the party myself. Come to think of it, I'm pretty freakin' talented to be able to do all that myself...lmao Anyway, I think you get my point.

My baby isn't going to be baby for much longer! Waaaaahhhhhhhh!

TTC#2

2008-01-09T10:58:00.000+09:30

Well, it's official. We are now trying to conceive number two. I went for my blood test yesterday. Apparently my body has never heard the word "ovulate" before because nothing is happening at the moment. Which, I guess, is good in a way because I am free to start on the hormones today.

I will be doing an artificial cycle of course. My lining needs some help to build it up so it will be nice and fluffy for the embryo. I'll be taking 2mg of progynova three times a day starting today. Then I start on the estradol patch on the 14th. I am to put on one every other day. At least I don't have to inject myself this time. That's a pleasent surprise...lol

I have a follow-up blood test and scan on the 21st to see if it all worked. If everything is nice and fluffy then we'll be doing the embryo transfer around the 23rd. Hopefully it works! I won't hold my breath though. Everything seems to take my body longer to work than it should.

Anyway, I'm trying to stay positive. I've started a proper diet, exercising daily, taking my vitamins, meditating and visualisation. It worked last time, so hopefully it'll work this time. I can't wait to be pregnant again!

(positive...positive...positive)

Winter Wonderland

2008-01-07T21:36:00.000+09:30

We had a wonderful time in Canada visiting family and friends. My hubby finally got to experience a white Christmas for the first time in his life. So cool.

Jolie met a lot of people and was a really good girl the whole time. She slept in many different places and never complained. I'm so greatful that I have such a good baby. She got to meet her grandpa for the first time and she just loved him. I think the feeling was mutual. :)

I'm glad to be home though. For a few reasons:
1. I'm sick of living out of a suitcase.
2. Happy to be back in my own bed.
3. Looking forward to starting our FET cycle.

I called the RE's office today and booked in for the cycle. I have bloodwork tomorrow and then I start my hormones on Wednesday. Praying that we are as lucky with this cycle as we were with the last one! Time for a little brother or sister for Jolie. :)

Elf Yourself

2007-11-23T10:05:00.000+09:30

Oh my gosh! This is too funny. I just had to share. Click here to see us in action!

Nine Months Old

2007-11-11T12:10:00.000+09:30

Nine months old already! I know I've said it before, but time sure does fly. Jolie will be a year old before we know it. We are going to Canada for a vacation and to see family during the month of December. Once we get back, I'll have to start planning her birthday party. I'll only have a month to do it! I'll also be in full swing for the next embryo transfer. We are going to try and get it done by the end of January. Hopefully it'll work! I have an appointment with the fertility clinic on Tuesday to talk about timelines. Not sure how different it will be this time as I will only have to do a transfer instead of a completely fresh cycle. Anywho, I'll update when I know more. Wish me luck!

Happy Halloween!

2007-11-01T11:52:00.000+09:30

Happy Halloween! It's princess Jolie's first Halloween this year. I think she had fun. Well, I don't know if she even knew what was going on, but she looked cute! I had a baby halloween party. It was so cute seeing all the babies dressed up in costumes. We had a Tigger, a sailor, an army guy, another fairy, shrek, a pirate...It was way too cute. I took a few snapshots to share. They aren't full on studio shots, so the quality isn't great, but....sometimes you just need to take candid snaps instead, know what I mean? She was a fairy princess this year. Predictable, I know, but cute non-the-less! This is my first attempt at digital scrapbooking too. I think I might just get into this. It's a lot less painful than paper scrapbooking, that's for sure! A lot cheaper too. Anyway, enjoy!

Eight Months Old

2007-10-07T15:13:00.000+09:30

I can't believe Jolie is eight months old already! Time sure does fly! We decided to start trying for number two after we get back from our holidays in January. Hopefully it'll work for us again. I'm not holding my breath though. I can't imagine we'd be that lucky two times in a row with IVF. You never know though.

I'm going to do the same thing I did before...get my body all prepared for it. Start eating really healthy again...exercise regularly...decrease stress (not that I have much at the moment)...prenatal vitamins...no eating/drinking caffeine...try to stay away from pre-packaged anything...and go to the acupuncturist. I want to make sure that my body is in the best condition it can be to house another little baby!

I'm looking forward to being pregnant again. It ended up being such a great experience last time (apart from the OHSS in the beginning and the delivery at the end..lol). Wish me luck! Hopefully, this time next year we will be getting ready to have another baby!

To Work or Not to Work...

2007-09-20T16:38:00.000+09:30

To work or not to work...that is the question. Sure I'd love to stay at home all day and eat bon bons with my baby (ya right, as if it's like that...lol), but we're not all millionaires that have time and money to burn. I could stay at home but we wouldn't have any extra money for anything on just my husband's wage. Luckily he makes good money now, so I don't HAVE to work if I don't want to. On the other hand, I would like to be able to buy a few things here and there if I want and not have to be on such a tight budget. What to do, what to do...

Well, I definitely do NOT want to go back to my old job. Being away from my daughter everyday from 7am-6pm just doesn't appeal to me. So, that's out. Part time job/work from home? Maybe? I don't want to be an Avon lady or sell Tupperware though...(not that there is anything wrong with that)...it's just not me.

So, I've come up with a brilliant idea. I love taking pictures of babies, right? Well, why not make it a part time thing I can do on the side to make a bit of money and not have to be away from my daughter during the week? Sounds like a good idea to me! I've been researching stuff on the internet and I think I have it all scoped out now. I'm just putting together a business plan for my husband (he's such a details person and wants to make sure I'm not going to spend $5000 to make $500...lol). Once I've done that, away I go. I'm looking forward to it!

I've starting taking test shots with Jolie being my model, of course...here's one I took yesterday...Does it look professional to you? If so, good...if I've fooled you, I'll probably be able to fool others...lol

TTC Journey

2007-08-27T13:25:00.000+09:30

Here is a little montage I put together of our trying to conceive journey. Enjoy...
http://www.onetruemedia.com/shared?p=37b5700d2add37889a7b2d&skin_id=601&pid=95425&utm_source=otm&utm_medium=text_url

Baby Face

2007-06-22T23:03:00.000+09:30

She's got the cutest little baby face! I use to sing that song and not think anything of it...now I understand where the inspiration came from! I just love looking at my little baby's face. She's so frickin' cute, I can barely stand it...lol I actually get teary at least once or twice a day when I look at her. It was so worth going through everything we went through to try and concieve her. I can't imagine my life without her in it! She's brings so much joy to my life.

Whoa, I just read what I typed and it sounded so corny...I use to read those kinds of posts before I got pregnant and thought...ya ya ya, blah blah blah...lol Oh well, what can I say...I'm converted!

Tripled!

2007-06-17T23:19:00.000+09:30

Jolie has officially tripled her birth weight! I got her weighed on the 5th and she was 12 pounds 11 ounces. She's a big girl now! She is already over 4 months old and can hold her head up really well now. She is smiling a lot and starting to laugh. She is a really happy baby. I am truely blessed! It just keeps getting better and better!

We are going to visit my husbands family in a couple of weeks. His sisters haven't seen the baby yet. Should be interesting to see how they react to her. I'm sure she'll put on a show. She loves to show people that she is a perfect, happy angel. She smiles at everyone so sweetly...lol (She's not always an angel...She can be a bit of a drama queen if she wants to!) Hopefully she'll cope well with her first plane ride! We shall see...

Three Months Old...

2007-05-07T10:29:00.000+09:30

My little darling is officially three months old...even though she's really only suppose to be 7 weeks...lol Silly little girl. That's what you get for having them 6 weeks early, I guess.

She is doing well. Still breastfeeding and starting to really study her surroundings. She smiles a lot and has started to let out little laughs. She can even focus on a book and smile while you're reading it to her.

There are so many things to get use to when you have a baby. This is my first, so of course I know nothing...lol I have learned many things so far. One of which is when they turn about 6 weeks old (past gestation), they go from pooing every feed to maybe once every three days or longer. What a shock that was! I thought my little girl was backing up at first until I researched poo on the web...lol Luckily it's completely normal for breastfed babies to have a change of poo pattern around her age. Phew! The things you learn that you never thought you'd have to...lol

Swimming Lessons

2007-04-26T13:38:00.000+09:30

I decided to start teaching Jolie swimming lessons. I know, I know...she's a bit young. It's never too early to start getting use to water though. I was a lifeguard/teacher for three years back in the day and use to teach different classes. One of the classes I taught was for mothers and babies. We use to practice swimming under water. It's so cool to watch a little baby swimming around under water. Jolie is too young to do that much yet, but she did get wet and have a little float around. She loved it. It was so fun to see her in her little swimsuit...lol

Happy Easter!

2007-04-09T06:50:00.000+09:30

It's our first big holiday with Jolie. It's so weird to be planning something to do when we never really did before. I know she won't remember and she doesn't eat chocolate yet (unless it comes through my breast milk...lol)...but at least I feel like I'm being a good mother by doing something and taking pictures to prove it. You never know when she'll want proof that we actually celebrated holidays with her. I only remember seeing pictures of one birthday party for me that my parents had. I'm sure they would have had more, but you never know. What if they didn't? Did I miss out? I don't want my little girl to miss out on life. It's time to celebrate people!...lol :)

P.S. - The ultrasound showed that her heart is just fine. No mumur afterall. :)

Time Flies...

2007-04-02T16:24:00.000+09:30

Time flies when you're having fun! It's hard to believe that my little girls is already 8 weeks old. She is getting so big! I weighed her on her 7 week birthday and she was already up to 8 pounds 10 ounces. She loves her mommy's milk, that's for sure.

My mom and sister were able to come over from North America for a visit over the past two weeks. It has been awesome being able to share the joy of my beautiful new baby with them. They have had lots of cuddles and kisses since they've been here.

Jolie had her 6 week checkup up two weeks ago and all was well except for what seemed like a small heart murmur. She is due to have an ultrasound tomorrow to check it out. Hopefully it's just a small hole and will heal over with time. I had one when I was a baby as well. Apparently it's hereditary. Fingers crossed...

She's Here!

2007-03-01T14:52:00.000+09:30

Hi everyone! Well, my baby has arrived. She came 6 weeks early, but she's doing just fine. Here
is what happened...

On February 5th at 2am I woke up and felt like I had to go pee. I went to get out of bed and suddenly realised that I couldn't hold it in. Once I stood up, I realised that my water broke when I felt a sudden gush of liquid escape. Obviously I was in a bit of a daze. It was too early to have my baby, so I had to analyse the liquid to see if it really was amniotic fluid or if I really did pee myself...lol I came to the conclusion that it was definitely my water, and I woke my husband and told him the news. He was a bit sleepy and didn't believe me at first. Once I went to the bathroom, he leaned his head over the bed and took a closer look. He finally believed me.

I called the hospital and told them and they told me to come over and they would have a look. We got to the hospital by 3am. Once there, they strapped me up and started measuring the baby's heartrate and checking for contractions. I didn't have any contractions at this point and the baby was happy as could be. They decided to move me to a room and admit me for bed rest. They also gave me some drugs to help keep my contractions from coming. They didn't work...

At 4am I started to have my first set of contractions. The drugs weren't working. At 6am I started hard labour. The drugs still weren't working. At 7am I was ready to push. The drugs didn't work.

By this time, I was in a heck of a lot of pain. First of all, everything happened too fast to get any pain drugs. Second of all, the baby was breach. Third of all, the nurses kept telling me to hold it in and breathe....DON'T push, they said. They wanted to wait for the doctor to get there so she could analyse the situation and decide on the best course of action.

Near 8am the doctor finally made it. They rushed me to a birthing suite and she checked the position of the baby. She was bum down. After sticking what felt like her whole arm up my wazoo, she wrestled with the baby to grab her feet and pull them out. I was screaming in pain at this point. Once the baby's feet were out she told me to push on the next contraction. I was happy to finally be able to. All it took was one push and out she came, placenta and all. Talk about a speedy delivery!

Jolie weighed 4 pounds 3 ounces and was 17 inches long. She has brown hair with blonde eyelashes and eyebrows. The nurses think that she will probably turn out to be a blondie.

No News is Good News

2006-12-02T15:28:00.000+09:30

Well, I haven't done a post in over two months. I should be ashamed of myself. The truth is, I haven't had much to say. Everything is going well with the pregnancy. I've had an easy time with it. I haven't had any issues. Thus, not much to say.

A few cool things have happened. We had our "BIG" ultrasound on the 18th of October. That was fun. We got to see the baby moving around and trying to cover it's face with it's hands. Everything that was suppose to be there was...Stomach, kidneys, bladder, hands, feet, fingers, toes. We even got to see the four chambers of the heart and the blood flowing through the umbilical cord. It was really neat. We didn't want to find out what the sex was, so we skipped over that bit.

The heartbeat is remaining constant at around 155bpm. The baby has started to kick and daddy has even felt it too now. I couldn't ask for a better pregnancy. After all that time I spent trying to conceive, I never thought I would have it easy once I did get pregnant, but I have. I am very greatful.

We have almost bought everything we need for the baby now. Only a few bits and pieces left. I'll be looking forward to things once Christmas is over. It'll be just around the bend by then. March 16th, here we come! :)

All is Well

2006-09-30T19:07:00.000+09:30

I had my OB appointment on Wednesday. Everything went well. The doctor said everything looked excellent. We got to hear the heartbeat again. This time she used a doppler instead of an ultrasound. I didn't mind as long as I got to hear the heartbeat. It was 153bpm this time. Perfectly normal.

I'm still amazed at the fact that I actually have a baby growing inside me. It took so long to just get pregnant, it's all so new. I starting feeling the baby moving around on Monday. It's only just flutters at the moment, but it's still fun to know that the baby is moving around. I'm looking forward to the big kicks next. :)

Nothing New...

2006-09-23T08:34:00.000+09:30

Well, it's been a month. I suppose I should say something...lol Not much has happened, really. It's kinda weird...I didn't know what it would be like when you got pregnant, but I assumed I would "feel" pregnant. Whatever that means. To be honest, I haven't felt pregnant yet. I am now officially over 15 weeks and I guess I'm just waiting to feel the baby kick or something, just to remind me I am pregnant. Sure, my belly has gotten bigger, but I just look like I've packed on the pounds. Even though I haven't really gained an ounce. I still have two spare tires and they are slowly turning into one, but I don't think I officially look pregnant yet. This is a weird place to be in...Knowing that you're pregnant, but not feeling like you are.

I'm looking forward to my next OB appointment on the 27th. Hopefully we'll be able to see the baby again and know that everything is still ticking along. At this stage I just assume all is well. I mean really, how the heck would I know? I haven't had any morning sickness. Just a few days here and there where I've felt a bit nauseous. I haven't felt the baby move yet. The only way I'm remaining sane about the whole process is the fact that nothing has come out yet, so everything must still be in there, right?...lol Anyway, I'll do an update after my OB appointment. Hopefully I'll have something exciting to say!

First OB Appointment

2006-08-21T18:48:00.000+09:30

Well, my OB is really nice. I'm so glad. She was great with us today. We had our first appointment with her. She did an ultrasound for us, gave us some pictures to take home and didn't even charge us for it. Yeah!

Everything is going really well with the baby. We got to see and hear the heartbeat again. This time it's a lot stronger. It was 183bpm at 10w3d today. I was glad to hear that. The baby measured right on for size. He/She was even waving at us while we were watching...lol Too cute!

The doctor told us that if we were waiting to tell people because we were scared of a miscarriage, not to worry. Everything looks perfect and healthy. I was glad to hear that! What a relief! My next appointment is on September 27th. Until next time...

Is it all a Dream?

2006-08-13T09:18:00.000+09:30

I still can't believe it. I am actually pregnant. It still feels like a dream. It took about 3 years for this to happen and I was getting use to the BFN's. What do I do now? I don't have to give myself anymore injections...I don't have to take my temperature everyday...I don't have to keep an eye on my cervical fluid to see if I'm fertile...I don't HAVE to have sex with my husband...lol Unless I want to, that is. It's a weird place to be. All I have to do is sit back and try to relax and wait it out. I'm 9 weeks 2 days today. Only 31 more weeks to go...lol

On a positive note, I think I'm one of those lucky pregnant women...I have hardly had any morning sickness. Haven't even thrown up once. The only symptom I've had is the occassional boob tingle. I suppose I haven't had much morning sickness because I'm trying to eat really healthy and often. That's suppose to help.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm still pregnant. I haven't seen the baby on the u/s since 6 weeks 6 days. A lot can happen in that time. I hope everything is still okay. I have my first OB appointment on the 21st. Hopefully I will have another u/s soon after that. At least then I will know everything is going along fine.

It's interesting. First you go from worrying about NOT getting pregnant....to worrying about being pregnant. When does the worrying end?!...lol

First Ultrasound!

2006-07-27T19:16:00.000+09:30

Well, here they are. The awe-inspiring ultrasound pics! I can't believe it's true, but it is. I am frickin' pregnant!...lol We saw and heard the heartbeat today! I didn't think I would ever get pregnant. I thought I was going to be baren my whole life...lol All I can say is, never give up!

I'm due on 16 March 2007.

Beta Numbers

2006-07-21T11:52:00.000+09:30

Well, here are my beta numbers so far. They aren't high, but at least they're normal and keep going up! :) I have my first ultrasound scheduled for next Thursday. I hope I'll see a heartbeat!

Beta 1: July 7, 14 DPR, 46
Beta 2: July 10, 17 DPR, 96, Doubling every 67.8 hours
Beta 3: July 12, 19 DPR, 165, Doubling every 61.4 hours
Beta 4: July 14, 21 DPR, 376, Doubling every 40.4 hours
Beta 5: July 20, 27 DPR, 2590, Doubling every 51.7 hours

A Dirty Tale

2006-07-18T11:30:00.000+09:30

Well, here goes nothing. If you have a weak stomach, you may not want to read this!...lol Here's what happened to me whilst in the hospital recently...

I called my fertility clinic the morning of July 3rd and said to the nurse, "I think I have to see the doctor today". I had talked to the same nurse the previous week and told her about the pain I had been feeling after the egg retrieval. She said, if it gets any worse to call early in the morning and she'll get me in to see the doctor. That's what happened. She told me to come in right away.

So, I had a quick shower, called work and told them I was going to be late because I had to go to the hospital and get checked (little did I know I was going to be three weeks late). Off we went. They weighed me on the scale, took my waist measurement and then the doctor came in and took a look at me. I looked like I was already 5 months pregnant at this point. My belly was full of fluid and hard and it was difficult to move around.

She examined me. Poked my belly, listened to my lungs and said, "looks like we're going to have to admit you". I agreed and so it began. I thought to myself, "well, looks like I'll get a day or two off of work". Ha ha More like 15 days! They did the paperwork, I went to the ward that I would be staying in, they made me fill out some more paperwork and then they showed me to my room. Of course I had nothing with me, because I wasn't expecting to get admitted to the hospital! So, they had to give me one of their lovely hospital gowns to wear. I looked beautiful in it.

The next day I had to get chest xrays and scans done. Apparently my ovaries were as big as softballs. Scary stuff. I had fluid on my right lung, thus I found it hard to breathe. Fluid everywhere in my abdomen. It was too soon at that point to see if I was pregnant yet. It was only 3 weeks and 3 days. Too bad, would have been nice to see something.

Over the next two days I gained a whopping 22kgs/49 pounds. My ovaries weren't very happy. By the second day, my RE enlisted the help of an urologist. He told me that my ovaries were leaking fluid into my abdomen and that they will stop when they feel like it, so we just have to wait it out. Great. My ovaries have always had a mind of their own, but this was a bit ridiculous.

By the third day, they decided to put a catheder in. Let me tell you, never, ever, ever agree to this if you have a choice! This was the worst thing that happened to me whilst in hospital. It's bad enough that they shove something up your urethra, but then they blow a balloon up at the end so that you can't pee anymore and it all gets collected in this bag... My poor pee pee! Talk about pain. For some reason, my body didn't cope well with this invasion and every time I felt the urge to pee, I had this overwhelming pain that felt like the balloon was trying to be pushed out my urethra. I wasn't ready to push anything out of my body yet! If this is what labour is like, I'm not looking forward to it. After a day and a half of this and my constant complaining to the nurses and the doctors about how much it hurt and it was stressing me out and I couldn't handle it anymore. They finally took it out. I felt a hell of a lot better after that. I NEVER want to go through one of those again.

I couldn't eat anything. My stomach was squashed to the size of a pee under all of the fluid. I would take two bites of something and be full. Talk about another way to have your stomach stapled. I also got really nauseas. I had to get injections to help with the nausea, or the two bites I did get down, wouldn't stay down for long. One day I was the worst, I had a half a cup of orange juice and two bites of an apple for breakfast and that was it all day long. That night when the urologist came to check on me, I almost threw up in his face. My husband grabbed the barf bucket quick enough and all I threw up was orange juice. I had about 5 hurls all at once, but not much came out. This was the last night that I had the catheder in. I ended up spraying pee all over the bed and my nightie in the pressure of it all. That's when the urologist agreed it was okay to take it out.

WARNING: TOO MUCH INFORMATION IN THE NEXT TWO PARAGRAPHS. SKIP IF YOU HAVE A WEAK STOMACH!

The next little lovely thing that happened was when I shit myself. Yep, that's right, I shit myself. Talk about embarrassing. I wasn't eating well, and I had started taking my metformin again, but my body doesn't seem to like metformin when I'm not eating right and it usually results in cramps and liquid shit. It was no different in the hospital. Only this time, I couldn't get out of bed quick enough, unplug my drip, wheel it into the toilet and pull down my pants in time. I literally filled up my panties with shit. I tried to pull them down over the toilet, so that it would fall into the toilet and my panties would just have a stain. They had a stain alright. I just ended up throwing them in the garbage. Needles to say, I needed help. I got it on the floor, down the back of my legs, all over my clothes. It wasn't pretty. I had to call the nurse to help me get undressed and have a shower and get clean clothes on. I stopped taking metformin that day and told my doctor that I wouldn't start back up again until I was feeling well enough to handle it.

The whole time I was in hospital, they had a drip going. They said that my blood tests were showing that I was dehydrated, even though I had gained so much fluid in my body. It just wasn’t going to the right places and doing the right things. It seemed like the more fluid they put into me, the worse I got. My belly was so huge at the worst stage that it looked like I was 8 months pregnant already. The fluid started to shift after awhile and went from my abdomen, down to my thighs, hips, and around my chest. I was tight everywhere. I certainly wasn't expecting to get stretch marks in my first trimester, but there you have it.

On the fifth day I was there, they did an HCG test as well and confirmed that I was pregnant. I cried when the doctor told me. I couldn't believe that I was finally pregnant. She said that the OHSS tends to be exacerbated when there is a pregnancy involved. No shit, Sherlock. At least it wasn't for nothing. I could handle the rest from then on out knowing that it was for a good cause. I was pregnant. Both doctors told me that the OHSS wouldn't affect the baby at all, so no worries there. He/She is just happily swimming around in my uterus without a care in the world whilst I go through hell for it! That's okay, that's okay, I don't mind. I'll be sure to tell him/her in future what I had to go through for it...lol

After a week in the hospital, I finally seemed to be turning around. I started to loose some of the excess fluid. The urologist shook my hand on day eight and signed off. I was over the worst of it and would be getting better every day now. Thank God! I continued to lose fluid. My body was absorbing it, and slowly but surely, I started peeing it all out. During my last day in the hospital, I peed out 5 liters of fluid. It was heaven!...lol Never thought I would think of peeing as heaven. I was so glad that it was finally coming out. I didn't sleep well, of course, because I had to get up every hour to go pee, but at least I was getting better.

Once my RE saw my weight going down for a few consecutive days, she decided it was time to release me from the hospital. I was sooooooooo glad to be leaving. I decided I hated it there. At least I had a TV to keep my occupied, but I would much rather be at home in my own comfy bed. The beds there sucked royal shit! Well, I was in a room for the first several days that had a really good bed, but then they moved me to another room when they needed mine for someone else. I felt like I got downgraded...lol The first bed had a remote so I could change it to whatever position I wanted. The second bed was one of those old hand crank ones. The mattress was as hard as a rock and my back was killing me. I slept on the sofa in the room a few of the nights because it was more comfortable.

Twelve days later, I finally got to go home. By that point I had almost lost half of the fluid I gained and my skin didn't seem so tight anymore. Things were still hard when you poked them but at least I was starting to feel more comfortable in my own skin again.

As of today, I am officially back to my pre-OHSS weight and glad to be! Things are fluffy again instead of hard. Just as it should be...lol I'm almost feeling myself again. I still haven't gone back to work yet. My doctor gave me a note saying that I would be off until the end of this week, so I may just take it all off. We'll see how I feel. I suppose I have to get back in the game sooner or later. I'm not looking forward to it though. We'll see.

Anyway, the moral of the story is, try to get pregnant naturally if you can. OHSS sucks and I wouldn't suggest anyone go through it. Not that you can control it. I remember thinking to myself, "I'm not going to get that...I'm a strong woman...Only weak women have those kinds of problems"...lol Well, little did I know it wasn't up to me. My body was going to do whatever the hell it wanted. I don't know why I thought it would be any different than any other time. I can't control a damn thing!

BFP!

2006-07-15T11:03:00.000+09:30

OMG...I'm still in shock. I finally got my BFP. It only took 3 years, but it finally happened.

I've been outta touch for the past two weeks because of the previously mentioned OHSS. I definitely had it and was admitted to the hospital on the 3rd of July. I just got out yesterday! Talk about the longest 12 days of my life. I hope I never have to go through that again.

In the end, it wasn't for nothing though. I found out last Friday that I am officially pregnant for the first time ever! I can hardly believe it. I have had four blood tests since and everything seems to be on track. I hope and pray that this baby sticks!

I'm 5 weeks and 1 day pregnant today. I never thought I would see the day. I'm still recovering from the OHSS. I gained 20 kgs of fluid whilst in the hospital and have since lost half of it. I'm looking forward to losing the other half. What a nightmare. When I feel up to it, I'll tell you the whole gorish story.

All I can say is, Hallel - frickin' - lujah...I'm finally pregnant!!!

OHSS

2006-07-01T10:45:00.000+09:30

Well, it appears that I have developed a mild case of OHSS. I had a hard time last night. My belly looked like I was already 5 months pregnant...my ovaries were hurting....I had pain under my lower ribs....I was having a bit of trouble breathing normally....and I couldn't get comfortable to fall asleep. In the end, we had a little prayer and I was able to fall asleep. This morning when I woke up, the pain is gone and my belly has gone down a bit. Thank God! I sure hope all of this is worth it and I get my BFP next week! One more week to wait! I can do it!

So Far...So Good

2006-06-29T19:16:00.000+09:30

Everything seems to be on track at the moment. I had a blood test today to check my hormones. All is as it should be at this stage. They asked me to take an HCG injection today as a safety precausion. Now we wait...Grow baby, grow! Come on July 7th!

Perfect Embryos

2006-06-26T13:20:00.000+09:30

That's what the embryologist said! She said that they are all perfect and she hasn't seen such good embryos in a long time. I'm so happy. This is the one that they put back in. The other seven are going to be frozen today for future use.

All I have to do now is wait. Don't you just love it. Waiting has been perfected by fertility challenged women all over the globe. Me being one of them. It's all about keeping yourself stress free and occupying your time as to keep your mind off of it so you don't obsess. That's my key to a healthy 2WW anyway...lol

July 7th is the lucky day. If I haven't gotten my period by then, I'll be tested to see if I'm pregnant! I don't care what anyone says, I reckon I'm officially pregnant as at 9:45am this morning...lol I just hope it sticks!

This is the Moment

2006-06-26T08:10:00.000+09:30

Well, this is it. I'm about ready to leave for my embryo transfer. If I'm ever going to get pregnant, I sure as hell hope this is the time. I doubt I have ever gotten to the stage where we have had an embryo inside of me, and today we will. This is so weird. I don't know what to think. I'm a bit numb about the whole thing. It's amazing what you will put yourself through to get what you want. All I want is a baby. Why does it have to be this hard? It certainly isn't for some, that's for sure. I know of several people that have only had kids because they were accidents...lol Oh to have an accident like that, how lovely...lol Anyway, I'm a bit nervous and excited at the same time. If the embryo only stays where it's suppose to for a day, at least I will have been pregnant for a day! Let's just hope it sticks for the whole 9 months. Please!!!

Good Job Little Guys!

2006-06-24T17:46:00.000+09:30

Well, it looks like 8 of my DH's 30 million sperm did their job. We officially have 8 fertilized eggs. :) He's pretty pleased with himself...lol At least we know that we CAN concieve! Let's hope it sticks! I have my embryo transfer at 9:30am on Monday morning. Can't wait!

A Baker's Dozen

2006-06-24T08:40:00.000+09:30

Well, I never thought I'd be talking about my eggs and a baker's dozen in the same sentence, but that's what happened. My egg retrieval was yesterday and in the end all went well and they got 13 eggs. It was a little bit of a drama but I didn't find out how much until after I talked to my DH...

I was put under general anesthetic for the procedure so was out cold. Although, they said that it was the type that kept me conscious enough to talk to them during the procedure but that I wouldn't remember anything afterwards. I definitely don't remember anything. Weird how they can just give you amnesia if they want...lol

Anyway, back to the story. DH told me afterwards that when they first went in, they aspirated a few follicles and only found one egg. Then they were worried that I hadn't taken my trigger injection. They stopped and tried to locate my DH so that they could ask him if I had. He said yes and they went back in to try again...13 eggs later, it was all fine in the end, just a rocky start.

The bit I do remember is when I woke up in the recovery room afterwards, they asked me if I had any pain and I said yes whilst tears were rolling down my cheeks. Then they asked me on a scale of 1 to 10, how bad was it. I said 8. They gave me some morphine and it all was better. EXCEPT for the fact that after they gave me the morphine, I had an allergic reaction to it and got skin welts. Nothing ever goes smoothly with me, I tell ya...lol

Anyway, the welts have pretty much disappeared now. All is well again. It's a day later now and I'm still in a bit of pain, but am popping tylenol/panadol for it. It kinda feels like my uterus is free floating at the moment...lol It's just weird. I certainly wouldn't want to go through this on a regular basis. I hope enough of the eggs fertilise so that I can just use frozen ones for the next two times if this cycle doesn't work.

*deep breath*...At least the worst part is over now. I should find out this morning some time how well my eggs are fertilising, if at all. Crossing my fingers!

Re-schedule

2006-06-19T21:00:00.000+09:30

I'm a little bit disappointed. I had my u/s and b/w today. During the scan my folliciles hadn't grown as much as they had hoped by then. They want me to continue with the gonal f for two more nights and have re-scheduled my ER for Friday instead of Wednesday. My blood revealed that my levels are within normal range, so there isn't a threat of OHSS at this stage. They want me to decrease my dose to 150 again for tonight and tomorrow and then have another blood test on Wednesday morning. Yeah! More needles...I'm soooooooo excited! NOT! *rolls her eyes* I'm a bit glad it's on Friday instead though...at least I'll have the weekend to recoup. I would have felt pressured to come into work on the Thursday if I had the ER on the Wednesday and I don't know if I would have been able to cope. Anyway, Friday it is. I hope they get a few big juicy eggs! All we need is one good fertilised one for the transfer.

Acupuncture

2006-06-17T11:41:00.000+09:30

Well, I decided to see an acupuncturist. I figure I may as well do everything I can to make this a successful cycle. Whatever helps! The appointment went well. She stuck one in each ankle, one in each wrist, one on either side of my belly button and one just above my pubic bone. She said she could feel some blockages in my vagina....not sure what that means...lol It lasted for about 45 minutes. She left me alone twice to relax. The one she put just above my pubic bone hurt the most going in. I hardly felt the others. Although, the one on my left wrist hurt the whole time for some reason. Not sure why that would be. Just before she left me the second time she told me to visualise all my organs from the belly button down working together to nurish my baby factory and get ready for the baby to live in there. I don't know why, but some tears started flowing after she left that time. Hormones I guess. I have another appointment next Saturday after my egg retrieval and before the embryo transfer. It can't hurt, right?

Perfect Levels

2006-06-16T14:55:00.000+09:30

I had another ultra sound and blood work today. There were about 16 follicles some were 7mm, others were over 10mm, and some over 14mm. The nurse said that we had about 9 winners there at the moment. My endo layer was 8 and a grade B. The bloodwork showed that my estrogen is at the perfect level. We have tentativly booked Wednesday for the egg retrieval. I have another u/s and b/w on Monday to check up on things. I'm getting nervous now!

E2

2006-06-14T18:04:00.000+09:30

Well, looks like my estrogen was a bit lower than it should have been at that stage. They asked me to come in for a scan the next day to see what my folliciles were up to. There were about 14 of them. Most were around 7mm and there was one at 10mm on my right side. My endo layer was 7.5. It's all happening, just not quick enough, so they decided to up my dose from 150 to 225. I've had one injection with the new dose so far. It's been about 20 hours and I can feel things happening in my ovaries! I think it's working the way it's suppose to be now! I have another scan and blood work on Friday morning. I hope it's all good news! No... I know it will be all good news! Positive thinking, I say! Everything is working out for us now. We found out today that we got approved for our mortgage! Yippee! One less thing to worry about. We are ever so much closer to having our own home now! I can't wait! AND, I officially have a new boss. Looks like I don't have to deal with my old bitchy one anymore...lol We are going out tonight for dinner to celebrate everything! :)

Mood Swing Mama!

2006-06-10T12:53:00.000+09:30

Well, I've been on my stims for three days now. I haven't been on gonal f before and it seems to be making me more of a mood swing mama than the puregon did...lol I cried at work yesterday while I was telling someone about a fight I had with my boss (she's a mega bitch and was taking out her stress on me that day). Anyway, I'm having a little bit of a hard time controling my emotions, but at least I know the drugs are working...lol My first blood test is on Monday to check my E2. I hope all is progressing well! We shall see!

The Witch Returns!

2006-06-06T18:21:00.000+09:30

Well, I'm glad to see AF arrived again. It had been like over 80 days or some stupid amount...lol Apparently the drugs have worked their magic and now that I'm off the BCP it's time for my lining to shed and get ready for a baby! It's been a week already though....that's long enough....lol

I had my first blood test on Monday. The nurse told me that everything looks good and that the Lucrin is working and my ovaries are under their control now...lol I never imagined that my ovaries would ever be under anyone's control other than mine....lol Unfortunately, I can't even control them! I guess that's why we're doing IVF now....

Nesting Already...

2006-06-03T17:04:00.000+09:30

Well, I'm not even pregnant yet and I'm starting to nest already...lol DH and I bought our very first home today! I'm so excited. I can't wait to move in. It's a brand new home, so they are still finishing building it. It's got three bedrooms and two bathrooms. We FINALLY will have a home that will have enough room for a baby! I hope this gives me good sticky vibes when we do the IVF. Now that I know we will have room for the baby, it's okay for him/her to come. :) At least that's what my subconsious is saying. I officially got AF today. I'm glad that it came before I start my stims. At least everything will be fresh and new in there, ready for an embie! Everything seems to be falling into place now. I just hope that it sticks this time and we will have a baby in about 9 months time. :) I can't wait!!

Injections

2006-05-27T09:30:00.000+09:30

Well, I started my Lucrin injections on Thursday. So far, so good. They aren't bugging me at all. They leave a bit of a raised bump on my skin afterwards for a little while, but then it goes away. Other than that, nothing else new. I'm just doing my injections, still taking the BCP and waiting until the next step. I am due to stop taking the BCP on the 1st of June. Then I have my first blood test on the 5th. We'll see how it goes. Onwards and upwards!!

It's Over!

2006-05-19T18:29:00.000+09:30

Well, my little roller coaster has finally come to an end. Since the last time I posted I've taken more tests and I've been staring at the lines and holding the sticks up to the light and comparing them to others I've seen online and scanning them and posting them on message boards to get other women's opinions and so on and so on and so on.

It finally came down to this. I bought a digital HPT yesterday so that I could just wait for it to say "NOT PREGNANT" so that I could stop obsessing about everything and get on with life. Well, it did say not pregnant, so I was sort of relieved it was over. Then I took the stick out to throw it away and it had two lines on it! Ugh! I hate this!...lol

Well, I then decided I better just bite the bullet and get some blood work done so that I can have a professional tell me that I'm not pregnant. So, I did and she did. The end! :P

Onto IVF I go. I start my first set of injections next Friday. Yippee! *rolls her eyes*...Oh well, I can deal with that. It's for a good cause! I hope it works.

Roller Coaster Ride

2006-05-17T19:01:00.000+09:30

Well, I don't know what to think. I've been on a bit of a roller coaster ride the past few days. I ended up testing the next day after my last post and the test had a line again, but it wasn't as strong. Don't know if that was because I drank a ton of water and it was diluted?

Anyway, then I went a bought a different type of test. The kind that you can use 5-7 days early at any time of day. Well, absolutely nothing showed on that. So, I resigned myself to the fact that I must have gotten a false positive before.

Well, unfortunately, I subscribe to a bunch of message boards and everyone on them kept telling me "not to lose hope yet" and that "it was still early" and that I should "re-test in a couple of days" and "a line is a line" and "I thought you could only get false negatives, not false positives?" etc etc etc. Of course that just kept me thinking that I might be pregnant, but I had my doubts.

Then last night I was reading about how OPK's can double as HPT's and can sometimes be more sensitive. So, then I decide to take an OPK test. Sure enough there was a line there. It was darker than the first line I got on the HPT. So, now I'm thinkin'....maybe I am pregnant???

So, we come to today....as it stands now, I have done 7 HPTs and 3 OPKs...lol I never thought I would love to "pee on a stick" as much as I do...lol The HPTs aren't that great, so I can't say for sure if they are a positive. The OPKs on the other hand all have lines and the one that I took tonight is darker than the other two so far.

I guess I'll wait until tomorrow and see if it gets any darker again. I can't possibly be ovulating because my temps are still high. On the other hand, I don't think that the line is dark enough to be considered a positive pregnancy because they are usually darker than the control line if you are...Anyway, who knows at this point. At least I'm not scheduled to start my IVF drugs until the 26th. I still have time to figure out what the heck is going on with my body!

BFP on Mother's Day???

2006-05-14T11:18:00.000+09:30

I thought I would be stupid and do a HPT today for mothers day just for the heck of it...lol This is what happened:
I think I'm seeing things....It can't be positive....My charts are all whacked out now! I forced a new cycle because I was going to start IVF. If I hadn't have forced a new cycle, I would be between 10 DPO by now. Thus the reason why it would still be a faint line. WTF is going on!!!

I decided to do another test tomorrow. Knowing my luck, this is probably a false positive...lol If it's still positive tomorrow, I might wait at least four more days (all the while testing each day...lol), then I'll call my RE and get them to do a blood test.

This is freakin' me out man!

(Okay, you can't really tell that there is a line there on this website, but trust me...there is one...lol)

BCP

2006-05-13T08:03:00.000+09:30

It seems a bit contradictory that my RE has me on birth control pills for the first part of my IVF cycle...lol I mean really, I'm trying to get pregnant, not NOT trying to!...lol I guess if you think about it, it's called "birth CONTROL pill"...not "NO birth pill"...lol That was a word that she used over and over with me when explaining the process. "We want to be able to CONTROL what's going on"..."That way we have more CONTROL"..."Then we have the CONTROL to make sure that things go the way they are suppose to". Anyway, I just find it a bit funny.

I got my timeline in the mail the other day. I'll be starting "Lucrin" on May 25th. Then I have my first blood test on June 5th. Then I will start "Puregon" on June 8th. Then I have another blood test on June 12th and then 16th. Then we'll have to wait and see how my follicles are growing after that. Hopefully I'll be in hospital on June 19th to get my eggs retrieved. Still a bit of time to wait yet!

Drugs

2006-05-03T21:18:00.000+09:30

Drugs, drugs and more drugs. That's what it's going to be about for the next 8 weeks. Probably longer. I start the pill tonight. It's the first thing I have to take during this IVF cycle. I'll be on it for about three weeks before adding a different drug, in which I have to inject for about a week. Then I'll quit them and start on a different drug in which I'll have to inject for like 10 days...then...then...then....Well, I haven't gotten my list from my RE yet, but that's what it sounded like to me over the phone today.

The nurse called me up to say that my blood results came back. My "levels are fine and I've booked you onto the IVF cycle". Which is code for, YOU'RE NOT PREGNANT...lol Anyway, she said she'd send me a flowchart in the mail so I don't get confused on what drug to take and when...and when I have to get ultrasounds....and when I have to get blood tests....and when I have to come in to get my eggs retrieved...etc etc etc. Looks like I'm going to be busy! Good thing I've had lots of practice prickin' myself with needles for my other cycles on fertility drugs that didn't pan out. *takes a big breath*...here we goooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!

P.S. - I stopped taking VITEX after 4 days because I read it can counteract the affects of fertility drugs...which kinda defeats the purpose if we're trying to grow a ton of eggs for the retreival!

It's Official...

2006-05-02T23:52:00.000+09:30

No, no, I'm not pregnant...lol We have officially signed up for our very first IVF cycle. I'm a bit nervous, but excited too. I'm going to get pregnant if it's the last thing I do!...lol We went in to visit the RE today. She answered all of our questions and explained everything to us. We're ready! We signed the consent forms today. We also had some blood tests. They wanted to test me to see where I was with my Estrogen and Progesterone. They also did a pregnancy test just to make sure we weren't starting something we didn't need to start. I should get the results tomorrow. My DH had a few tests to make sure that the lab staff that will be handling his "specimen" will be safe...lol They test for HIV and stuff. They also gave me a prescription of the pill to start tomorrow. I have to be on that for a couple of weeks and then I start another drug. I'll be all drugged up!...lol 6 weeks from now they should be able to retrieve my eggs as long as everything goes according to plan. I'm crossing my fingers! (Just not my legs...lol)

Vitex

2006-04-29T10:19:00.000+09:30

I started taking Vitex today. This is what it's all about:

"Vitex agnus-castus (chaste tree berry) is a well-known herb that has been used for centuries in Europe for hormonal imbalances in women.

It may be helpful for women with PCOS who do not have a normal menstrual cycle and thus don't ovulate or menstruate. A large percentage of these menstrual problems are related to insufficient progesterone during the luteal phase of the menstrual cycle, which is called a luteal phase defect or corpus luteum insufficiency. A corpus luteum insufficiency is defined as an abnormally low progesterone level 3 weeks after the onset of menstruation. Insufficient levels of progesterone may result in the formation of ovarian cysts.

In addition, some PCOS women have too much prolactin, which can inhibit fertility. Vitex may help with both of these problems."*

* - http://www.ovarian-cysts-pcos.com/vitex.html

Hopefully it will work for me! I think that's my problem, I don't produce enough progesterone during my luteal phase. Anyway, it makes me wonder if we should try au naturale for one more month and then if it doesn't work, do the IVF. HHHhhhmmmmm...I'll think about it. In the meantime, I called my RE and we have our first IVF appointment on Tuesday. It'll be about asking questions and deciding on a timeline. Should be interesting.

BFN

2006-04-27T23:54:00.000+09:30

I took the HPT today. It was a BFN. Obviously my body is just being stubborn again and doesn't want to let AF come and isn't going to let me be lucky and just get pregnant naturally...lol Oh well, try, try again. Maybe next time...

Happy Birthday to Me!!

2006-04-26T17:44:00.000+09:30

It's that time of year again. Another year older and closer to death...lol My biological clock is about ready to cease up...I just know it. I just keep telling myself, "it's okay, there are a lot of other women out there that are waaaaaaaaay older than you that have been able to get pregnant.". Ya, right, like two...lol

My husband made me feel a better though. He surprised me with two days away at a resort to relax and have fun. It was a great birthday present. We stayed in the honeymoon suite (or should I say sweet)...OOOooooooooo...lol We had a great time. My husband is so wonderful to me. He puts up with so much. The mood swings on the fertility drugs for one. That's enough to chase any man away! He just keeps hangin' in there though. What a trooper...lol

Of course I ate like crap the last few days. Being that it was my birthday and all. Time to get back on the weight loss wagon! I did okay today. I'll have to keep it up though. I still really want to lose those last few kgs that'll get me down to my next goal.

I'm going to call the RE tomorrow and schedule an appointment for me and DH. We'll call it an information session. That's what we did today at lunch. Had an information session at my bank to find out what it's going to take to buy a house. Holy cow! It's a bit ridiculous. We have to basically save $25,000 first. Yikes. That'll take awhile. Looks like we're going to have to keep renting for a year or so yet...lol Oh well, life's too short to worry about EVERYTHING!...lol

P.S. - I still haven't gotten AF...maybe I should take a HPT?

IVF Countdown...

2006-04-21T22:51:00.000+09:30

Well, we are definitely going to go ahead with the IVF. I called my RE this week to get some info. I got it in the mail today. I'm all read up and am ready to take the plunge. I'll give my RE a call next week to schedule a consult for me and DH. We should know a timeline after that.

I'm pretty nervous but excited at the same time. I'm a little bit concerned that it won't work the first time because it states in their literature that they will only put in one embie the first time if you are less that 36. :( My sister is 29 and had two embies put back and neither of them stuck! I feel like my chances of it working the first time and pretty slim. Anyway, we'll have to wait and see.

I'm lucky, I guess. At least it won't cost as much here in Australia as it did my sister in the US. She paid $25,000US for a fresh cycle. Mine will probably be less than $2,500AUD. I guess we can afford it if the first one doesn't take anyway. I just don't love waiting and waiting for something positive to happen! I just want to be pregnant damnit! *sigh* Let's hope I am by the end of next month!

Happy Easter!

2006-04-16T14:33:00.000+09:30

Happy Easter! I love chocolate. Isn't that what Easter's all about?...lol I love holiday's. Time off of work, being lazy and eating a lot. It's great!...lol Well, I better get back to it. That chocolate is calling my name...lol

I knew it!

2006-04-14T23:45:00.000+09:30

I talked to my husband. I frickin' knew it! He said exactly what I thought he would. He wants me to get down to my 7% loss first and then we can try IVF. That or June as planned. Whichever comes first. I'm a frickin' psychic...lol I even told him, "I knew you were going to say that, I even predicted it in my blog"...lmao

Anyway, it looks like I have 4 more kilos to go before we can get the show on the road. I better get my butt in gear! I can't stand this waiting business! Maybe I should starve myself? ...lol Just kidding. I would never be able to be one of those type of people. I love food too much! I'll just have to exercise it off instead. To the gym I go!

Waiting...

2006-04-14T07:17:00.000+09:30

I hate waiting! I hate waiting to see if I'm pregnant. I hate waiting to start IVF in June. I hate waiting to get a new house. I hate waiting to pay off my Visa. I hate waiting to lose weight. I hate waiting to get a new car. I hate waiting to move to Sydney. I hate waiting to quit my job so I can go on maternity leave. I hate waiting to be a stay at home mom. I just hate waiting for everything I want! Boy, does that sound like a bit of a tantrum...lol Oh well, it's true. I just want what I want when I want it. Doesn't everyone!?

I took my temp today and it's not high. So, there's no way I could be pregnant, even though AF still hasn't reared her ugly head. I hate waiting for my period!!!...lol I wish it would just come already. Then I could at least start a new cycle and start the waiting all over again!...lol

I really want to start the IVF. I know I said we were going to wait until June and try and lose weight first, but I HATE waiting!... I don't want to wait until June anymore. I might have a chat with my DH and see what he thinks about us cutting it short and getting things going now instead. I know what he'll say. He'll say, "I think you should lose some more weight first. If you can get down that 7% before June, then we'll reconsider starting sooner."....You mark my words! I bet you anything that's what he'll say. We'll see...

Aunt Flo No Show

2006-04-13T01:09:00.000+09:30

Well, AF hasn't arrived yet. Still waiting for the bitch...lol I guess I'm going to have one of those long cycles again. I must not have ovulated. I guess I'm not surprised. I never seem to be able to ovulate. I don't even think I've ovulated while on the fertility drugs. Even though the RE said I did, I don't believe it...lol I don't think my folicles got quite big enough and without a trigger injection, I doubt it will happen on it's own. Anyway, it's not like we are "trying" right now anyway. I just can't help thinking about things though. Gggrrrrrr...I hate this! If I'm not pregnant, then I want AF to start! I hate living in limbo...

Losing Weight

2006-04-09T17:09:00.000+09:30

Well, I don't know if I mentioned this before, but I'm trying to lose weight at the moment. Apparently it is suppose to help PCOS women conceive if they lose at least 7% of their body fat. So far, so good. I have lost 11 pounds in the last month! That's the most I have ever lost in a one month! I'm feeling pretty good bout myself. I've been following "The Insulin-Resistant Diet". It's great! It's was like it was written just for me.

I love it when I see the numbers go down to the next kilo. I haven't been this low in like 2 years! (not that I'm THAT low or anything...lol) I'm so glad this diet is working for me. Finally something works! I think it also has something to do with me moving from 1000mg to 1500mg of Metformin as well (Met is a drug I take to help control my insulin levels). I also don't get as hungry anymore.

I had a good exercise day yesterday. DH and I went exploring at a beach that we hadn't been to before and then came home for a swim. I felt great afterwards. It's funny, while I was swimming; I had to keep pulling my bottoms up because the water would catch them and drag them down. Last time I wore them that didn't happen! They are obviously loose on me now. Wowzers!

WTF??

2006-04-08T08:16:00.000+09:30

WTF is up with my CF??? I've had this really creamy thick stuff the past SEVERAL days. I don't get it. I've never had it this thick before. AF should have been here by now, I'm not even spotting yet and it's CD31! I guess I shouldn't be surprised, really. I mean, I've had cycles that have lasted AGES! *sigh* My body sucks. I would love to be able to set a watch to my cycles, but unfortunately, I never know what I'm going to be up against from one to the next. I might ovulate, I might not....I might get AF on day 29, I might not....I might have a long cycle, I might not. Gggggrrr! Oh well, time will tell. It always does.

Anyway, I did some shopping yesterday. That always makes me feel better...lol AND I am about to leave to go get a facial, massage and pedicure! Woohoo! I finally get to use my Christmas present. I'll feel like a new woman! :)

Woohoo!

2006-04-06T17:48:00.000+09:30

No, it's not what you think...lol I'm not pregnant...........yet.

I'm finished my exam! WoohooOOoooo! I'm so glad that's over. I was getting a bit too stressed for my liking. It went better than I thought it would. I actually knew a few things...lol I was thinking I was going to fail miserably. At least if I failed, I don't think it was as bad as miserably...lol Anyway, only one more course left and I'm done (or as my husband said, "if you actually passed this one, that is"...*shakes her head*)! I can't wait to have it all over with.

Nothing new to report on the baby front. I haven't taken my temp since DH and I had our "discussion" the other night. I feel like I'm going through withdrawals or something...lmao I never thought I was addicted to taking my temperature, but it appears I was...lol I feel like something is not right in the morning when I don't. I guess it's just because it was habit. Oh well, I'll get over it. Then it'll be a bitch to try and start up again in a few months. I just know it.

Anyway, I've been trying not to obsess with it all. I wish I would just get pregnant already so I can just relax! I would soooooooo love it. Although, I've heard of other ladies that can't relax when they get pregnant because they are always thinking about what could happen...things that could go wrong....hoping that they don't miscarry....checking their CF to make sure they aren't spotting. Boy oh boy, why did I start thinking about this. Far out, I bet I'll never be worry free!...lol Blah

Obsessed?

2006-04-05T08:54:00.000+09:30

Well, I'm a bit conflicted this morning. My husband and I had a big talk last night and he feels that I'm obsessing too much about trying to get pregnant right now. He thinks that we should be just concentrating on getting healthy right now and not worry about:
1. Taking daily temps
2. Checking my cervical fluid
3. Checking the position of my cervix
4. Telling him when we should have sex
5. Updating my chart everyday

He would prefer that I:
1. Spend more quality time with him
2. Exercise before going on the internet (ie, support groups & this)
3. Eat healthier
4. Wait until after our agreed 3 month break before worrying about the baby making thing

Easier said than done! Geez, I was a bit pissed last night. I felt like he didn't really want a baby if he was saying that to me. *sigh* BUT as I just typed this out, it seemed reasonable to me. I should be exercising first and eating better. I should just wait until the break is over before worrying about all the stuff that goes along with trying to get preggers. Blah. I just don't know what to do! I guess I better just do what he says. I need to keep him happy or he may just not give it up when I need it!...lol I guess I am obsessed...

Pregnant Dreams

2006-04-04T07:25:00.000+09:30

Well, I had a dream last night that I was pregnant. I didn't feel like I was but there you have it. Don't know what to think about that. Either I'm so consumed with trying to get pregnant that I'm creating this fantasy world for myself, or it's a sign and I actually AM pregnant!...lol I won't hold my breath. My temp was down this morning. So, I'm either not pregnant or it was an implantation dip...lol I won't hold my breath. I hate over analysing things! You just tend to do it when you're in this situation, I guess.

Anyway, I've been really busy at work. Oh ya that's right, I didn't tell you about my current job. I'm working as a "Treasury Analyst" at a bank/insurance company at the moment. We are doing month end reconciling and I was at work until 9:30pm last night! Yuck. I have overtime. Oh well, it shouldn't last long and then I'll have a bit of a break.

I have an exam on Thursday as well. I'm taking a course called "Diploma of Financial Markets". It's been okay. I'm on my second to my last module at the moment. I haven't studied much for this one though, so I'm a bit nervous. I hope I don't fail! I'll feel like a twit if I do. It's on Financial Markets Economics. Exactly what I NEED to know in doing my current job...lol I'll feel like such a loser if I fail. I guess I better study hard the next two nights! That is if I don't have to work anymore overtime. :P

Who am I?

2006-04-02T15:21:00.000+09:30

Here's a little bit of a history for those of you who are interested...

I was born in Canada almost 34 years ago. I grew up being a very active kid. I was into all kinds of sports and was a lifeguard/swimming instructor for the last three years of my life as a teenager.

I moved away from home to a big city at the age of 18 and started working at a major bank. I spent the next 10 years of my life dedicated to the company and worked my butt off. I was promoted several times throughout the years and ended up in management. Then I decided to make a change...I quit and started to search for a new career.

Instead of finding a new career, I found my husband. Guess where? That's right, on the internet. I am officially an internet geek...lol I met him in the first chat room I ever went into. I remember going into the chat room out of curiosity to see what everyone could possibly have to talk about. From that moment on, I got sucked into the void of no return. There he was...the most popular guy in the room...I just had to have him for my own...lmao Just kidding, it wasn't quite like that, but sorta. Anyway, long story short...We chatted for 2 1/2 years using webcam and mics. Then we met in real life. He's from Australia and I wasn't! But I decided to take the big leap to the other side of the world and just get it over with. We needed to meet in real life or I was wasting my time!...lol I flew to Australia and it didn't take long for us to decide that we didn't want to be apart anymore.

We got married just over 10 months later. We've been married now for just over 2 years and it's been the happiest 2 years of my life. Since the day we got married we have been trying to get pregnant. Well, it's more like we weren't trying not to get pregnant. If you know what I mean? Anyway, it wasn't until a year ago that we finally gave up trying on our own and sought advice from a fertility specialist.

What did he say? "We'll have you pregnant in no time". LIAR!!! Sorry, I digress. He was positive and seemed to think that it wouldn't take very long to get me pregnant. We did all the tests we needed to do and it came down to this...

My husband’s sperm analysis was normal. I, on the other hand, wasn't. I was basically "infertile"...Gawd I hate that word. Anyway, I have Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome. I was diagnosed when I was 19. At the time I didn't worry about it because, of course, I wasn't trying to get pregnant.

Anyway, fast forward to today. We have gone through 6 unsuccessful ovulation induction cycles. The first three were on clomid. The last three were on puregon. I hate needles, but it seems that women who are desperate do anything to get what they want. So, I jabbed myself with a needle, over and over and over again. To no avail.

My last visit with the Reproductive Endocrinologist ended in her telling me that if we want to get pregnant, we'll have to resort to IVF. Blah. I never thought it would get to this. My sister has to do IVF if she wants a baby but it's because her husband had testicular cancer when he was in high school. I have to have IVF, because I am a dud. :(

We decided that it was time to take matters into our own hands again for awhile. Three months to be precise. We are both on a diet and exercise program. I have done some research and apparently the chances of someone with PCOS conceiving is greatly increased if they lose at least 7% of their body fat. Soooooooooo, that's what I'm trying to do. So far, so good. I've lost4%...only 3% to go.

In the meantime...I've still been taking my temperature everyday and charting the status of my cervical fluid and checking the position of my cervix and baby dancing during the fertile window in my cycle and everything else that goes along with trying to get pregnant. This because, if by some miracle, I can get pregnant on my own, I'm going to try my damndest while I can. If by the time June rolls around and I don't happen to be pregnant...IVF, here we come!

Phew...that was longer than I thought it would be. Oh well, you gotta start somewhere, huh? Here we goooooooooooooo...

In the beginning...

2006-04-02T12:36:00.000+09:30

Well, here I am…at the beginning of my "Jaded Journey". Actually, that's a lie. I started my journey almost 34 years ago, but this is where you come in...

I'm a woman on a mission. My mission (and yes, I have accepted it) is to get myself pregnant. I've been trying for a while now, but my body has a mind of it's own.

This is my little piece of the internet in which I will rant and rave and tell the world what I'm thinking on my way to the ultimate finish. Holding MY own baby in my arms. Healthy, happy and all mine.

This is my story. This is my "Jaded Journey"...